I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
