Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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