HIV tests are more positive than that guy
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think people are normalizing furries
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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