Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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