I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
