I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
