Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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