so that wasnt chicken after all
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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