I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
