On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
