Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
