so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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