Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
