I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
