i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
