how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
