So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm at about main and main street
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
