Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
