During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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