Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
