You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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