I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we made out on top of his cat.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
