is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
