I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
