every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
