Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
