Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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