Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
