i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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