I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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