A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
