I feel like I'm in dance class right now
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
