I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
