Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
