I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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