i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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