I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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