Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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