I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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