i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
