Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
