did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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