She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
