She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
