i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my being single is dangerous.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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