I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
