I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
