I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
