i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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