the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
