oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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