it hurts more in the daytime
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
