You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
