am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
