I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
